No Money In The Bank

America is broke! Ok, that's not exactly true. But there really is no money in the bank or anywhere else. Let me explain...

[Whitney's got all the fuckin' money y'all.]

In the words of Swizz Beatz,

She ain't got no money in the bank. She be walking round ackin' all stank. Now she at the party lookin' at me. Hopin' she can get saved by me. [Try to get that song out of your head now btw.]

If “she” is America; “Money in the bank” is our national savings; “At the party” is the booming world economy; And “saved by me” is China and India. Swizz Beatz isn't that far off. Although, I'm assuming that's not what they are talking about, and that it's about a hooker.

Anyway, right now our national debt is around $48,000,000,000,000.00 and yes that's TRILLIONS. That's money we owe the world, mostly from bonds we sold to growing nations like the Chinese and Indian governments, as well as many others. Scary.

Not to be confused with personal or public debt, which is around $9 trillion. That's the money you owe to Visa for buying everyone SoCo and lime shots the other night. And, mine wasn't even that strong, so, go figure.

Now I know what your thinking. Where the hell did all this debt come from? Is this really what the whole column is about? I wonder if I should wash my hair today, I do have the time, or tomorrow, so I can have the perfect 2 day old hair for Friday night?

Answers: Bush's War; Yes; and Always have 2 day old hair for the big nights.

The majority of our debt comes from the war. As well as Bush's and Congress' crazy spending. In fact, Bush has accumulated more debt during his terms then every other president... combined! Yikes.

Then, the other day, guess what happened... You know how on the back of books and magazines and shit, it's all like:

$19.95 USA

$32.95 CAN

Well not for long bitches, for the first time in over 30 years the Canadian dollar is equal to the US dollar. Double yikes.

Ugh's advice.. invest in gold. And buy Alan Greenspan's book, 'cause that mother fucker's trying to make a buck.

And next time we're at L'tage, try and tell me you can't buy me a drink bitch!