Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Center City Shootings

Philadelphia's latest black eye... Well, actually less like a black eye and more like four bloody gun shot wounds.

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(Officer Mario Santiago, shot once in the shoulder by suspect at 22nd and Sansom Streets)

Four shot in total; Including a police officer, at least two in critical condition.

Everyone living, working, and playing in Center City last night (Tuesday) were apart of the commotion. Cop cars by the dozens flying up every street; Chestnut, Sansom and Walnut mostly, all heading west.

It was around 10pm, I was working at my gelato shop on the corner of 20th and Sansom when I noticed a police car, then one more, then three more. People standing at the intersection started to fix there gaze westward. Police cars and vans are now flying up Sansom in groups, I think I counted 46 total by the time I saw the last one. [Actual accounts are much more staggering, check it, over 100 Police officers and Marine units were called to the scene. Damn.]

I walked outside, instantly rumors filled the air. (It is Philly.) A couple of Comcast employees were working on a new cable line when I reached the corner. They say they've heard some gun shots. A young man and his girlfriend walked up and say they hear that protesters are being maced by the hundreds at the Democratic debates in West Philly. Briefly, the theory of an explosive was spread around.

I just hoped Hillary was unharmed.. She's my girl.. Fuck off.

Then I heard of shootings around 15th and Sansom by some friends that texted me. That's when things got wired. Two shootings in Center City in less then an hour?!?

At this point Ambulances and Police vehicles are going in every direction. As described by my cab driver later that night, “Shit was apocalyptic.” The cabbie was also nice enough to let me know that the gunman had jumped into the Skuykill and the Coast Guard had come with snippers to find him. (Information the previous rider had left him.)

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At that point I was all, “old news, 15th and South, please.” Truth was, I knew I was gonna Google all this shit later. It was 12 midnight and time to get drunk. Like every other night, I'll deal with reality in the morning, at least I tell myself.

Also, Bob and Barbara's is the shit to have fun at on Tuesdays, in case you were out of the loop.

Fact is: I had 4 or 5 specials at BB's and had a good night. But from 10-12 it was a free for all in CC. Everyone was calling there friends, people on the streets were starting rumors (at one point I was under the impression that there had been at least four separate shootings in CC.) Shit was crazy.

Truth is: The gunman shot 3 people in a car at 15th and Sansom for an unknown reason. He ran up Sansom, chased by Officer Santiago and got into an altercation at 22nd street and was shot by the gunman. Who continued his Sansom Street run west to the river where he jumped in and is still in pursuit.

Point is: Crime in our city is out of control. Especially with the guns. We need to stop asking our next mayor what is his plan is to fix it, and start demanding our current mayor to address it. (Um, I guess we should still ask our next mayor what his plan is, but you know what I mean.)

How do we stop the violence? Email Ugh your opinions and comments on this 'shootings' shit to

For more information and videos of this breaking news story check out CBS3.

Written by Conrad Benner

Monday, October 29, 2007

Seriously NSFW or Anywhere for that Matter

Are you a horrible person?

In no way should you, or anyone you have ever known, want to see this video. If you click on the link below you are a horribly disgusting, morally devoid monster that should be thrown in a pit and burned alive for wanting to be such a pile of shit.

This is not safe for work. Not safe for anyone that has ever existed. Not safe for the worst person you've ever met. If you click the link you've probably gone on some next level rape shit that I cant even imagine.

At All.
You're worthless.

2 girls, 1 cup.

There's either not enough chicks or not enough cups. I can't do the math.

Unfortunatly posted by Jason Turner M.D.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Scary Movie Review

I don't know if you have ever been to Canada. I have. I went to visit some idiot that, one night after a party, turned on a porn called "Cherry Pie" in which Archie and Jughead tag team Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and then tried to have sex with me on the couch in his mother's living room. Aside from that part, which I blame on sweet Canadian hash oil, and teenage hormones, the trip wasn't a bad one.

But, I was feeling kind of guilty the other day, because while I was there, walking down a street in Toronto, I opened a pack of smokes and dropped the wrapper on the ground. A local saw this and began berating me, but because I was young and American I lost my shit on him, and probably called him a "hippie fag." I never forgot about that, and now I feel really awful for disrespecting someone and their country.

Well, I did until Monday, when I found out that some Canadian fucks stole my debit card number and spent a thousand dollars of money I didn't really have on what my boyfriend suspects was probably Hockey Jerseys, Molson Ice, and Brian Adams albums. This week has been an absolutely terrifying experience...but not nearly as terrifying as terrors in the terrible horror flicks I watched during my Haaauuunnnted Couch Halloween Movie Week.

1. The Invitation

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Yeah, I know it sounds scary (no it doesn't), but like this poster, it is clearly a tool for learning how to care about yourself, your partners in business and life, and your father, whom you never knew until he tried to poison you. It stars Lance Henriksen, best known for his portrayal of Bishop in Aliens. He also played a character named Frank Black in an X-files episode. That might be useful wanking information for any Pixies superfans you know. The Invitation also starred a group of people you have probably seen in amateur porn. Listen, I don't really have anything to say about this movie except that it wasn't funny, and there wasn't any blood, no one died, and it didn't seem to think very highly of our neighbors to the south.

2. Slumber Party Massacre

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It's like a merry go round of tits and blood.

3. 976- Evil

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This movie is a dark horse, but I don't understand why you aren't watching it right now. It was directed by Robert Englund, better known as Freey Krueger, and stars Stephen Geoffreys, better known as the guy from any one of these gay films...
Hunk Hotel
Virtual Stud
Leather Buddies
Cock Pit
Gay Men In Uniform
Seamen Training Day
Guys Who Crave Big Cocks


But seriously, the movie fucking kills any other movie I've ever seen.

4. Return to Horror High

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I was a little worried going into it because I hadn't seen the original Horror High, but then I found out that there wasn't really a first Horror High, know the first ten minutes are worth it for George Clooney's eyebrows and tunnel haricut, but after's pretty fucking hilarious.

But, again, I think no one really dies. Except Clooney...

5. Phenomena

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Everyone kept talking throughout the whole movie, so I didn't really know what was going on. But, I think that even if everyone had been quiet, I'd still be pretty fucking lost.

Directed by Dario Argento Starring Jennifer Connelly, and the sweetest fucking Chimp that you've ever seen.

Jennifer Connelly talks to bugs! Man, this movie was awesome. If you've seen Suspiria, then you know where I'm coming from. This soundtrack not only has Goblin but also Iron Maiden, and Motorhead. And a Chimp.

Imagine Project X, microcosmos, Requim For a Dream, a guy in a wheelchair, Flowers in the Attic, that one Twilight Zone episode, and teenage bulimia.

6. 30 Days of Night

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I read this comic, so I was pretty impressed with what an incredible job they did with the visuals in this movie. Everyone else was blinded by the amount of blood. One part was so needlessly gory that I started to cry a little, but then couldn't stop laughing hysterically for five minutes.

$9.75 at the Riverview, and totally worth it.

7. The Adventures of Pete and Pete; Halloween Special

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I wish I had been this fucking cool when I was 12. The episode also has Iggy Pop in it, who calls someone a "Stooge" I'm glad I get that now.

8. X-Files: Excelsis Dei (Season 2, episode 11)

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Okay, I know that this isn't a horror movie, but this episode features something I've been joking about for months-
Ghost rape.

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You can read all about it in,

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9. Theatre of Blood AKA: Much Ado About Murder

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This movie has some of the best gore and worst acting I have ever seen. But, it's got Vincent Price, so you know, it's credible.

Side note: I was very opposed to watching this film, and kept giving my friend Dustin a hard time about how gay he was for wanting to watch a Vincent Price movie. When he invited me over, the conversation went like this...

Dustin: Are you coming to watch the movie, or not?
Me: Nah, but I might catch the tail end of Vincent Price, like so many young men.

Anyway, eventually I felt bad about razzing him, because the movie was actually really great. But then I was validated by IMDB that sites HOMOSEXUAL as a keyword in searching for the film.

Suck it, Dustin.

See you next week when I will write about something else.

Written by Courtney Davison

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Magazine Confuses Real with Ugly

There's been a lot of talk recently about Philadelphia being rated “Least Attractive Cityby Travel & Leisure Magazine. That's bullshit. Well, Kinda... No, but still fuck that magazine.

First of all, let's address “Travel & Leisure Magazine.” For being so picky about what's pretty and what's not, you sure do have some of the most boring, uninspired and ugly covers ever to grace a monthly mag. Seriously, if taking a vacation is going to be as dull and insipid as you make it look I'd rather shop for graphic tees on South Street then peruse the DVD machine at Wawa for fun.

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(It's a fun shirt.)

Ooooo, I'm in a hammock,”

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Oh, Philly's so ugly but hammocks rule...”

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Get a new fucking idea “Travel & Leisure Magazine,” throw in a damn beach chair every once in a while.

Secondly, we don't give two shits about what your “readers” think is pretty or ugly. Last time I checked, families of four from Cincinnati filling out questionnaires in the airport, aren't exactly the most fashion forward.

Look at Miami and San Diego, two cities that ranked high in the poll. They are full of silly-fake people who've had too much plastic surgery, wear too much make-up, and tan until every molecule of their skin is perfectly (which ironically enough is imperfectly) even, crispy and pre-cancerous. (Of course, this is a stereotype and we do not endorse the use of stereotypes... most of the time.)

Philly's more realer. We don't mind a chipped tooth now and then. Our women wear make-up only to accentuate. We enjoy pale skin and/or arms and legs full of tattoos. We don't mind and often search out a little B.O. And we think plastic surgery is for weak people and prize our flaws.

So one more time for good measure, FUCK TRAVEL AND LEISURE MAGAZINE!!

This weekend, Ugh went out to prove the magazine wrong. Here's the Philadelphia your “readers” must have missed...

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And at night,

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(Ok, Louisa's in one.. but she's a Philadelphian too.)

Written by Conrad Benner, Photos by Louisa Engle

and Sarah B

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Halloween Terror South Philly Fest

Getting me pumped for Halloween is like giving a fourteen year old a boner: easy as shit. My mom and I used to work as haunters at the Strausburg Railroad Museum when I was little. Then, all through middle school and high school, we’d all load up in someone’s parent’s minivan to get dropped off in the middle of nowhere to smoke stolen cigarettes, and get the piss scared out of us on haunted hayrides. Then that stupid paradigm shift happened in college, where everyone forewent driving fun for drinking fun, and suddenly there were Halloween parties. I once dated a guy just cause he made such a convincing Rod Stewart. It didn’t last long, but that was like the last fucking sweet Halloween.

My first year in Philly I had my own Halloween party. I had made this excellent mummy costume. Unfortunately, I later decided wasn’t conducive to partying, so I went as a sorrostitute instead, which was convenient, because a friend went as a frat boy, and had a beer bong. By midnight, before the party even really started I was wasted. The last thing I remember is spraying fake blood all over some people who hadn’t worn costumes and screaming: “I don’t know how any of you are drunk, because I am already ALL THE DRUNK.” That night I earned the nickname “Passout Polly,” but not before ruining a lot of things in my room with a sweet Linda Blair impersonation.

Last year was better, I think, except that I forgot to turn my clock back, and ended up working a full shift cutting fruit on only two hours of party sleep instead of three. I guess all I’m trying to say is that the years since the devil’s drink has taken over my devil’s night have fucking been more and more lame. So! This year, I thought I might get back to basics, and try to see the dark light that I once found in Halloween once again.

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Part 1:
Six Flags: Asshole Adventure- Fright(ning douche) Fest

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We spent six hours at the park and rode four rides. One of them was the teacups (which are hilarious and awesome, so don’t be “too cool” to spin, okay?) We could have ridden more rides, except for all the swells that shelled out the extra $40 (on top of the $30 to get in at half price) to get this thing called “FlashPass”.

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Okay, so here’s how it works: you get this little beeper thing that you scan at these kiosks at the gate of the ride line,

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Then it tells you when to come back so you can go get a blowjob in the bathroom or count your gold coins or whatever while all these other honest idiots are waiting in line, and then just stroll back in and onto the ride. So, if you don’t have the FlashPass, you wait in line for an hour to ride Skull Mountain, and then get to the front only to get FlashPassed, and have to wait some more! I’m not insane about class dilineation, but like The Game says in How We Do: “Bougie ass bitches you can kiss my ass”. And yes, we did boo some ten year olds with FlashPasses off the ride. But! Seriously, Kingda Ka was totally worth the two hour wait. I know it only lasted for 50 seconds, but it goes from 0-130mph in 3.5 seconds, and made the whole day worth it. P.S. Should I have been surprised that Six Flags would pit us park goers against each other for a quick buck, when there’s product placement like this?

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Part 2:
Haunted alley! I’ve never lived in a city where the residents love to decorate as much as they do in South Philly. They would decorate for Wednesdays if you gave them garland. I love ooohhing and ahhhing at the lights at Christmas, so I figured I might be able to find my holiday spirit on Tasker st. Some decorations that seemed strange, but pretty popular were these plastic sheets that no one seemed to know how to hang straight.

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In fact, everything seemed to be lacking in true respect for the meaning of Halloween

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Except for the windows. All of my favorite spooks were featured:


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Black Cats

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And even Zombies!

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Anyway, here were some of my favorites,
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Part 3:

Tame-itentury: Terror without the Balls.

Our groups weren’t spaced out enough, so our group kept getting the tail end of the boo! Gags meant for the group in front of us, AND in the group in front of us, someone kept laying these super gnarly farts, but I shouldn’t complain, because the company was good, and our tickets were free… So I won’t. Besides, the parts that were really good, I don’t want to give away.

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Whatever, fuck it, despite my adulthood trying to harsh my Halloween high, I am still super pumped. Take that!, responsibility, pride, accomplishments, rational thought! Fuckers. Until next week, when you can see pictures of me in a body suit, and I’ll write about something that won’t be as exciting as whatever else you’re doing that weekend, like my new iTunes account, or some movie reviews. Probably some movie reviews.

Written and Photos by Courtney Davison

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Ellen Crys, America Feels Awkward

This is a clip of the Ellen Show yesterday. I don't know much about the Ellen Show or the daytime TV game in general, but something happened to a dog and she got emotional on live television. Watch for yourself...

Soo, this makes me feel weird. Like when you see you're mom cry for the first time. Life get real for a second... Ok, I'm thinking about it too much and now I'm crying live while blogging. Fortunately for me, you can't see it, but its embarrassing none the less. I'm a snotty crier.

Written by Conrad Benner


(I hope vowels never become cool again. Fuck vowels...
I mean, FCK VWLS.)

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A few weeks ago, I sat down and constructed a list of questions I was interested in asking Bryan Poerner, founder of TRKFLD, the successful Philly based bag company. I sent Bryan the questions via the magical twisting ether that we call the internet and sat back to wait. The following correspondence ensued...

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(Bags: Benjamin, Maile, Luu, Borah)

The Interview

Louisa: Your bags have a very clean simple feel to them even though you often use busy prints, creating a very unique look. Any plans to branch out in a different visual direction as far as fabric patterns go?

Bryan: The idea from the start was to use ultra traditional shapes for our bags. Smooth, clean lines. Simple. Then use really fun, fresh materials to give the bags their character. The line we have out now uses all Sunbrella brand fabric. This is traditionally used for awnings, outdoor furniture and other things of that nature. We love the colors and the patterns that this fabric offers, plus the practical features. It is water resistant, will never ever fade, and you can clean it off with soap and water. So you should be able to keep it looking good forever.

Sunbrella is only the start though. We plan to branch out our fabric family next season. We are messing around with a bunch of ideas though. The tag on the front will change, depending on the fabric we use.

L: Have you quit your day job yet? How do you find time to design?

B: I have not quit my day job. I work a lot, but it doesn't feel like work. I go around talking about running shoes for Puma half the day... and dream up new bag ideas the rest of the day. Squeeze in some xbox/running time too. I stay busy.

L: You design the fabric patterns or do you pick from existing options from the material provider?

B: We don’t make our own fabric. We think of our fabric partners as designers themselves and don’t want to mess with what they got going. We just want to do neat stuff with their product.

L: City Paper hinted in a past article that you may be playing around with a Harris Tweed fabric in the future. Seems like a perfect look for a new line, any plans for a darker Fall or Winter line?

B: Yeah, we will have this for next fall. We are working on the samples now. This line will be small and tight, but should be killer. The history of Harris Tweed is cool as heck, and we are super excited to be working with it.

L: As a Philly specific blog we are obviously interested in the fact that you are a Philly Based Company. You are currently selling your bags at smaller boutiquey shops. Would you consider selling them at a large nation wide chain in the future if that option came about, or is the small independent business idea important to you?

B: Well, it is all important. I love small business. I love the idea of people doing stuff on their own. That is why we started Track + Field. As far as distribution goes, we will have a tiered approach. The Sunbrella line will be our mass appeal line. This will be in some bigger places. We just started working with Urban Outfitters for the Holiday season. You will see this some other large places also. But we will have some small lines that are only available in smaller places too. This way we can kind of live in both worlds.

L: When you and your wife, Thi are not busy with your numerous professions what do you enjoy doing?

B: We like playing with our dogs, Critter and Noodle. Bringing them on adventures. I also dig running a lot. I try and get out at least 5 times a week. Xbox has also taken up too much of my time of late. But can you blame me? Halo is fun as heck. Thi bakes a lot and would be traveling I am sure if we were not so busy. She snuck into Laos once.

L: Any favorite Philly spots?

B: Sure. Essene in the fabric district. I eat lunch there live every day when I am in town. Best stuff. Philadelphia Runner in Center City. I run with their running group whenever I am in town. Shopping. I dig Deep Sleep in Old City. Thi buys a lot of stuff at Revelations on 4th and South.

L: This really seems like a labor of love for you. Which came first, the desire to design bags or the desire to own your own business?

B: Business. I have always wanted to do my own thing. I used to run my own record label, then stared an Olympic development team for post-college distance runners, now this. I guess I like to have my hands busy.

L: Any plans in the future to branch out into other rugged chic accessories?

B: We have been messing with a bunch of rip-stop type materials, but have not found the right one yet. It is on the table though.

L: I love the idea that you name all of your bags after friends. Where did that idea come from?

B: Thi thought of it. We were just laying out the catalog and we were thinking of how to name the bags. Then she wanted to name this one round bag Mi after her mom, because she has a big round head. Then I wanted to name a square one after our buddy Jeff Pelly because he knows it’s hip to be square. And so on.

L: How are the bags themselves made? Do you send them out to another company to construct?

B: Yes. We draw up rough ideas, then make samples. These samples are then sent to a factory to reproduce. We have the final step production done all over the world. The Sunbrella bags are made outside of Hong Kong. The Harris Tweed bags are being produced in Scotland.

L: Do you and Thi carry Track + Field bags yourselves? What is your favorite piece?

B: Thi is using the Roxas and I am using the Pelly. I love all of them. I want to make a more dude friendly Mi so I can rock it. Maybe next year.

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(Bags: Roxas and Pelly)

L: I really love the shape of the Mi bag. Do you plan on experimenting more with shape in the future as a stylistic technique for your woman’s collection?

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(Bag: Mi)

B: This is a really nice question. Yes, we hope we can always stay fresh while using mostly traditional shapes.

L: Is the company name a Belle & Sebastian reference?

B: Nope, I have run track since 8th grade. I am 31 now. I adore the sport and thought it was a good name for this project.

L: What do you think of blogging? Be honest we’ve heard it all before...

B: I think it is great. It is kinda of what we were talking about before with people doing things on their own.

L: Obviously you are into music, being part of the local rap group Yah Mos Def. Any other Philly bands you are into right now?

B: I like Pink Skull a lot. It is hard to say they are so many people doing cool things in Philly right now. Ravens and Vultures. Witch hunt. Sweatheart. Also anything that Steve Heise is involved in is gold. Dragon City, Persons, etc. All gold.

L: Lastly, give me a good “Philly” memory or experience?

B: One time I was running on Forbidden Drive in Fairmont Park. This 5 mile stretch is beautiful if you have never been there. I was running with the LaSalle XC team. Anyhow, we come around one bend and Mayor Street is there stretching. Looked like he was in the middle a run. Before any of us could say anything, he said “you dudes are ugly!” I don’t know why. He was smiling so he must have been joking but I still don’t get it.

To become "friends" with TRKFLD, visit their Myspace.

To shop visit

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Written by Louisa Engle, Photos by TRK+FLD