Monday, December 10, 2007

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Busting Philadelphia's Myths

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We live in a city of old myths, storied legends and sharp, sometimes unfair criticisms. Ugh is here to debunk or re-bunk those criticisms, legends and myths alike.

Myth #1: WiFi Philly

Classic myth. Earthlink says all of Philadelphia is now covered with the exception of the far Northeast and West.. coulda fooled me. I live in Center City, bought the thing for $6, and have no connectivity. Is this happening to anyone else? Apparently...

Myth #2: Short Sidewalks

It's been a long-lived notion that Philadelphia has short, or narrow, sidewalks due simply to it's history. Planned for in 1682 by William Penn and Joey Sweeney. Well before the inventions of things like cars, parking for cars, and outdoor café-style seating to hog up all the room.

Well, this is simply a myth. Philadelphia has short sidewalks for three very specific, very thought out reasons, all of which have the unfortunate side affect of pissing me off.

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Reason 1. To let women with grocery bags in both hands feel nonchalant about not moving an inch to either side side of the sidewalk when you are trying to walk past them. Often leaving you stopped altogether between a tree and a fire hydrant waiting for the bitch to hurry up. Men on the other hand generally do move a little.

Reason 2. To make avoiding that mistake-of-a-one-night-stand you see walking around every now and then nearly impossible. And almost always extremely awkward and short.



How are you do...”

Good, good and yo...”

Great, I'm on my way to...”

Oh cool, I won't hold you up th...”

Awesome, see ya.”


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Reason 3. And finally, to make groups of threes walking down South Street forget that a group of three takes up the entire walkway. Leaving an on comer paralyzed with confusion and rage, trying to nudge between two of them in an effort to make a point.

Don't you know about sidewalk etiquette mother fuckers?”

But of course two on them are laughing about how cute they think the Jonas Brothers are, and the other is texting, and none notice how entirely useless they are being.

More myth busting to come. Stay Tuned.

Written by Conrad Benner

World War 3 Narrowly Avoided, Bush Upset

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For months now Georgy and his boys have been building a case for war in Iran. Drilling us with the threat of Iranian nuclear weapons. (Weapons of mass destruction as it were.) On and on the administration droned,

"We must take serious action against this great threat."

The rhetoric towards the Iranian government reach an awkward and fevered pitch this past October when Bush freudianly let out his WW3 plan. Scratch that, I'm sure he means worst case scenario.

It was feeling like Iraq all over again. Jesus, I'd bet you most Americas think Iran and Iraq are the same country and wouldn't even know we'd have started a whole 'nother one.

Well didn't things get interesting when the information was leaked this week that not only has Iran NOT been doing shit with nuclear anythings. But that their nuclear plant had been shut down for over 4 years.

Our administration and our intelligence knew all about it, but continued to hold the information from us, the people. AKA they lied. To try to get us into another war. Like they lied, to get us in our current wars.

But I'm just me, opinionated as shit. For a little more "objective" coverage check out, my new favorite political site! And I promise you completely non-boring.

Written by Conrad Benner