Thursday, May 29, 2008

Why I Love You...

You all have made Ugh News so mega ultra successful... you have no idea. And for that I love you. And yes, of course, Ugh News will continue. However, I've been given a really great opportunity by Paul of to contribute to Philthy Blog. I'm still trying to figure out all the details, as in, what to post where... Right now I'm thinking all of the gossipy shit on Philthy Blog, and all of the Newsy shit on Ugh... Not sure though.

I'll let you know for sure what I'm going to do when I figure it out. For right now, go check out some stuff I've already written over at Philthy Blog...

Oh, and yes, Philebutards will be back... So get your shit together bitches.

Love, Conrad

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Who's This Noam Chomsky Guy?

Propaganda is to a democracy what violence is to a dictatorship.”
- Noam Chomsky

Lipstick is to a hipster in West Philly what rice is to the third world.”
- Conrad Benner


With Iron Man pulling in over 102 million dollars after only four days in theaters, we here at Ugh News are completely convinced that the media can shove anything down Americans' throats, and they'll buy it... (And that's not even counting $ from the concession stands... Fucking fat ass America.) Noam Chomsky is probably rolling over in his grave. That's, If he were dead...


You'd kinda think he was though... You know, for being “arguably the most important intellectual of our time” as the New York Times calls him, you never hear about him. Ever. Ever. EVER. (Not even in the New York Times... WTF is that about?)

Anyway, I'm not gonna sit here like some asshole and pretend like I know everything and I knew it first (... like I usually do) and say I've been reading Chomsky for years... and so on and so fourth... Fact is, I've only really been tuning into his ideas recently, and only saw his documentary a few days ago.

That said, you should watch it too, his documentary... and NOW! Unless you're at work or something, in that case watch it... TONIGHT. It's called “Manufacturing Consent”, based on his book of the same title. And it's about how the state and special interests own and use the media to restrict ideas and opinions to suit business and to keep power in the hands of an elite minority, while distracting the majority (me + you).

Plus it was shot in the early 90's so you can get all cool 90's fashion ideas for your next night out...

(It's almost three hours, so click here to watch it bigger.)

Oh Noam, Noam, Noam... God, I swear if you were a brand I would totally buy you. Like, if you owned an organic local grocery store in Port Richmond I would seriously bike there and only shop there even though I have Essene two blocks away from my house. Even if it went against both of our individualist beliefs... We're just naughty like that Noam, right? You like naughty Noam? I bet you like naughty...

Written by Conrad, Photo by Frenchkheldar

P.s. On a personal note (like this whole blog isn't a personal note...) Noam and I went to the same high school... Central... although grant it probably 50 years apart. Go Lancers!

Soo We Met Caitlin Welge Tuesday Night

... That girl from Philebrity that we said took too many photos of her friends inspiring the first Philebutards...

... Well, she's a total sweetheart!! (And aside from that one set... She takes good photos.) We can't believe Philebrity totally threw her under the bus and “strongly reprimanded her...” That's kinda gay of them.

Anyway, Ms. Welge does video and other artsy stuff around town, feel free to Google her. And hey Caitlin, if you ever wanna do a video with Ugh News, let us know!!

Love, Conrad

Monday, May 5, 2008

Ugh News Readers' Polled, Split On Weather They Answer Blog Polls, Pollsters Around The World Tilt Their Heads

... In Related News: 95% Of People Polled At Sorted's 10 Year Anniversary Party Agreed With Me That "It's Fucking Too Hot In Here, Let's Go Outside For A Minute"...


Big poll news today, truly amazing, with all conventional thought leaning towards a definitive 'yes' vote, the polling community once again reminds us that polls maybe aren't the best way to measure anything...

The question, simply, 'Do you answer blog reader polls?' The answer, much more complicated.

This one really threw us for a loop.” - Don Pollson, Poll USA

The controversy stems from the fact that if you answered the poll, you are admitting that you answer blog polls, even if you answer with a 'no'.

No one saw this coming, conventional theory had this tied up 100% yes, truly an off day for polls.” - Donna MacPoll, Poll News Network (PNN)

Poll analyst, Donald Polland, blames the faulty poll results on what he is calling, 'ironic polle├ęs',

These are people whom decide for one reason or another to give a false answer. Some in an effort to be funny, some because they have all but given up hope in the media, and yet some others simply don't read the whole question before answering.”

Today's results have sent shock waves through the country's polling organizations. Leaving us with many questions, such as...

Do you think Americans are polled too much?”

Let us know what you think by answering our exclusive Ugh News/Poll USA poll on the top right hand side of this page.

Written by Conrad, Photo from