What many of us who've work in-and-around the service industry have know for years, is now official; Upenn kids don't tip, ever.. or care about it.
The beginning of fall brings more than just earlier evenings and stripped cardigans. For us young folk working in Philadelphia's gigantic food and service industry it brings back university students. Yuck. And yuckiest of them all, those from Upenn.
These halflings are somewhere between “Too Cool for School High and Center for Self Entitlement” and “Too Wealthy and Republican Relations provided by Trust Fund Corporation.”
But fret no more young folk of Philadelphia. I, here and now, in an Ugh News first, offer my assistance, as a professor, to the University of Pennsylvania. To teach a course in Service Tipping and Human Contact.
My demands are obvious and nonnegotiable. First, I'd like a large adult pony.. Secondly, I want a DJ night at Silk City that is more popular and more cool than Steven Bloodbath's Mo Money No Problems.. And lastly, I'd like a big enough salary to keep me knee deep in fine young pussy for as long as I can stand to live. Ok.. ok, I am clearly joking about the pony. I'd settle for Ford Hybrid with optional backseat love bed.
The class would center around three simple-to-learn ideals.
Recognize that you are being provided a service. Yes, waiters at Le Beck Fin are one kind of service. But so is the cute chap who pours your coffee in the mornings. That's why there is that empty cup on the counter with scribble on it that says something like “Tipping's not a city in China.”
Tip for the service.
Repeat steps 1&2.
Well, maybe that doesn't need to be taught in a class so much as maybe on a pamphlet. But I still want that pony, University of Pennsylvania, don't think I've forgotten.
5 comments:
damn it you actually made me laugh out loud more than two times per min. with words and reading. lola misses you.
I've always known that Penn kids where the rich, cheap types. That's why I never had a service job with them or anyone else for that matter.
UPenn kids are the WORST. When Jim and I lived in West Philly, I used to love watching how they'd all walk around like deer caught in the headlights. THEY HAVE NO STREET SMARTS! Now, I'm not saying that I'm "street" or whatever, but GOD... when I see one of Philly's finest crackheads flipping out in the middle of traffic, I walk as far away as I can from them and continue on my jolly way. Those UPenn kids just STARE at EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!!! It used to drive me INSANE! They come from these upper-crust, privleged, spoiled rich kid backgrounds and then all of a sudden they're thrust into an "ivy league" school that just so happens to be in West Philly and they're not used to seeing such things as crackheads and crazy people so when they do they just stare and stare and STARE.
Stop staring and start tipping is what I say.
GOD I hate UPenn kids.
I'm glad you used my pony painting but next time give me credit for it k?
next week....commentary on upenn boys not flipping their collars up unless they mean it. you flip it, you stick it. praise jesus
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