Ahmadinejad Is Ah-Ma-Fucked-Up

Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has become a bit of a celebrity here in the US the past couple of days. His remarks against women.. gays.. and all over humanity at NY's Columbia University all while maintaining a George W. Bush like smugness have landed him in some hot water with American press.. as well as suspended without pay from the set of Grey's Anatomy.

But we here at Ugh have an open mind and wanted to give Mahmound another chance to clear the air. So our people (Soldier Boy and one of Gwen Stefani's Asian women) contacted Ahmadinejad's people (Borat and Charo) and here we go... an Ugh News Exclusive!!

The Interview

Conrad: First I'd like to thank you so much for your interview today. We're a tiny little blog and even though you were a little tardy, we know your busy and we just really appreciate your time.

Ahmadinejad: You should be honored by my lateness. That I would even show up to this fake shit. So go ahead go nuts go ape shit. Especially in my pastel, all my bape shit. Act like you can't tell who made this. New gospel homey, take six, and take this, haters.

C: ...Ok, let's just get right into it then. What about allegations that you have authorized a secret “man” in your administration to continue your plan to enrich uranium to produce nuclear weapons, even after a UN sanction that request that you stop.

A: I don't know if you got a man or not. If you made plans or not. If God put me in your plans or not. I'm trippin', this drink got me sayin' a lot.

C: Cute Mr. Ahmadinejad and very well played.. very well played. But how do you explain recent reports that your original itinerary to NY included a visit to the Ellen show, but upon learning her sexuality you declined.

A: Heard they'd do anything for a Klondike. Well I'd do anything for a blonde dyke. And she'll do anything for the limelight. And we'll do anything when the time's right

C: So you're saying that you still might do it? Am I hearing you correctly?

A: N-n-now th-that that don't kill me. Can only make me stronger. I need you to hurry up now. Cause I can't wait much longer

C: One last question, any fun plans while your in Philly?

A: Let's get lost tonight. You can be my black Kate Moss tonight. Play secretary I'm the boss tonight. And you don't give a fuck what they all say, right?

C: Oh, Mr. Ahmadinejad, I think you have the wrong idea about me. Plus, I just got out of weird relationshipy thing, I'm just not really strong enough to get back in the game...

A: You know how long I've been on ya? Since prince was on Apollonia. Since OJ had Isotoners. Don't act like I (never) told ya

C: I-I just don't know Mahmoud.. can this be right?

A: I know I got to be right now. Cause I can't get much wronger. Man I been waitin' all night now. That's how long I've been on ya.

C: Ok! Yes!.. Yes!! I'll go with you.

A: Ugh, baby you're makin' it harder, better, faster, stronger.

Ok, well I'm gonna go show Mr. Ahmadinejad how to make a “cheese steak wit” if you know what I mean. Here's that video.. someone's got some explain' to do.