Good morning bitches. Micheal Nutter is your new mayor, and that's a great thing. Winning with over 80% of the vote, the widest margin of recent Philadelphia elections. Nutter proclaims “It's a new day in Philadelphia.” With plans to clean up the city and clean out city hall, Nutter truly is a breath of fresh air.
His Top Issues:
Nurturing a more ethical city government
Fighting litter and cleaning up the city
Better zoning and more incentives to create new businesses
And his controversial, “Stop and Frisk” approach to reducing crime and to getting illegal guns off the street. Watch the video below to hear Nutter on crime.
(See a full list of Nutter's campaign promises Here.)
And above all things Nutter is our greatest salesman. He loves this city and wants the world to know how great we are... or, how great we will be after a year or two with him in office.
It's all kinda like when you're dating a guy and he seems okay at first. But then you all get too drunk one night and he calls you a bitch in front of your friends. And your all “Fuck you, that's not okay.” But then he apologizes the next day and brings over that obscure 80s movie you really like... like The Adventures of Babysitting. And your all, whatever he's a good fuck. But then like 2 weeks later you all are super drunk again and he kinda hits you. But like your not really sure if it really was a hit or more of a pushing type of a deal. You just know it was a little too aggressive and it makes you a little uncomfortable. But you still don't really break it off. You just kind of keep hanging out with him. Till one night a week later you see a really cute guy at the bar and your all “he's cute.” So you talk to him and he's really interesting and like, actually has a plan. But not in an obnoxious way, just like he knows want he wants. And he doesn't need to drink all the time. Like he's cool just baking cookies and shit. So you cut it off with that first guy and you keep thinking to yourself, “This is what I could have had the whole time?!? What the hell was I doing before?”
It's like that, you know?...
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Written by Conrad Benner
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