Philebutards: Club Trend Spotting

... Because TwoOneFive-utards just isn't as catchy...

(Gay guys this close to their hag = "I've been single since 10th grade... And had this faux hawk since 9th.")

Are Tongues-Out, In?

(Drunk "sexy" licking = People trying to falsely over sexualize their appearance to make up for the fact that they have a hard time looking at themselves sexually...)

Ummmm, still no... Club M/Oing* is gross. And fake club M/Oing* is sad and annoying... Almost as sad and annoying as your best gurlfriend receiving and answering text messages all night when you're just trying to hang out with her. (Seriously girls, put down your technology every once in a while.)

Ok look, we're sorry if your mommies and daddies chose to adopt the Dr. Spock method of parenting. But your acting out really isn't impressing anyone. And besides, you're sending a very clear message to the club world... “No, really... I'm repressed... And sex with me will be awkward.”

*[M/Oing is a commonly used abbreviation for making out. While we generally hate abbreviations, this one is really fun to say. Go ahead, say it out loud...]

That Guy Behind Those Other People

Take it from these guys, it's not always easy being around people who know how to use accessories. That's why they have to work triple as hard to get any attention. Squinting faces, or surprised looks traditionally adorn this breed who have the innate ability to find the one clean space in a photogs frame and stick their heads right in it.

While not in, or out in the conventional sense... (honestly, these people deserve as little attention as they give their own wardrobe.) We do predict the trend to continue. Advice: Crying/sad faces... that'd be fresh.

Arms Up While Dancing: Can It Make A Comeback?

(You know how like, you know there must be people that listen to Howard Stern? Because he's so famous and has been on the radio forever. But like, you can't for the life of you image who... (Three guys on the right...) Right!?!)

Ok, this is a trend we've had our eyes on for months now. With origins set in the 1920's with flapper girls, along through the 60's peace hippies, and more recently seen in the early 90's grunge/rock scene... A century long tradition of raising your arms while dancing looks to make a huge comeback this summer.

But raise aware... Sweat stains and/or fat arms will never be in. Unless your going for the Beth Ditto circa 2006 look.

Freestyle Wins

Avoid Philebutardism by busting your own original moves. Jump... Sit... Stay... to name a few. We suggest the yet untested: Roll-Over... Stop Chewing Your Leash... or Drop It, Drop It NOW.

Last Minute Hot Trend Alert!

(OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!... Can we say how tried we are of girls from West Philly wearing bandannas ALL THE TIME. Girl on the right! It's like they're saying... "I'm girlie enough to want to accessorize, but feminist enough to never wear jewelry.")


So... Low cut top, high waisted pant, gold chain, neck scarf, and medium height best friend not enough to bring attention to your breast?... Try spilling your drink all over them!


That's right... as our clubs and bars begin to swell with the crowds of summer, bumping into people and their beers, thus, spilled drinks, are inevitable. So fuck, we might as well make it a trend. However, spilled drinks on American Apparel hoodies will still be lame as shit. No matter what Philebrity tells you. (You just can't count on the Aging Blog to understand hot new trends.)

Written by Conrad, Photos from Two.One.Five