We live in a city of old myths, storied legends and sharp, sometimes unfair criticisms. Ugh is here to debunk or re-bunk those criticisms, legends and myths alike.
Myth #1: WiFi Philly
Classic myth. Earthlink says all of Philadelphia is now covered with the exception of the far Northeast and West.. coulda fooled me. I live in Center City, bought the thing for $6, and have no connectivity. Is this happening to anyone else? Apparently...
Myth #2: Short Sidewalks
It's been a long-lived notion that Philadelphia has short, or narrow, sidewalks due simply to it's history. Planned for in 1682 by William Penn and Joey Sweeney. Well before the inventions of things like cars, parking for cars, and outdoor café-style seating to hog up all the room.
Well, this is simply a myth. Philadelphia has short sidewalks for three very specific, very thought out reasons, all of which have the unfortunate side affect of pissing me off.
Reason 1. To let women with grocery bags in both hands feel nonchalant about not moving an inch to either side side of the sidewalk when you are trying to walk past them. Often leaving you stopped altogether between a tree and a fire hydrant waiting for the bitch to hurry up. Men on the other hand generally do move a little.
Reason 2. To make avoiding that mistake-of-a-one-night-stand you see walking around every now and then nearly impossible. And almost always extremely awkward and short.
“Hey,”
“Yeah,”
“How are you do...”
“Good, good and yo...”
“Great, I'm on my way to...”
“Oh cool, I won't hold you up th...”
“Awesome, see ya.”
“Yeah.”
Reason 3. And finally, to make groups of threes walking down South Street forget that a group of three takes up the entire walkway. Leaving an on comer paralyzed with confusion and rage, trying to nudge between two of them in an effort to make a point.
“Don't you know about sidewalk etiquette mother fuckers?”
But of course two on them are laughing about how cute they think the Jonas Brothers are, and the other is texting, and none notice how entirely useless they are being.
Written by Conrad Benner
1 comment:
Yeah, that WiFi myth was sorely disappointing upon moving here and continues to be. I'm left relying on Beauty Shop Café for my wireless needs ... until 6pm.
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